Monday, 1 April 2013

On that kind of love...

Love is a very complicated kind of beautiful thing. And in books, it's complicated and erratic and a maddening ordeal. And when you don't have this; you crave it. You crave it like crazy. Thus you read about it. Books and books about this kind of love that makes your entire body quiver and hurt and desire... 
You fall in love with characters who are so imperfect they become perfect.  Their very nature, the way they talk, how they move around your thoughts, the way they are is P E R F E C T. Though you know, they are sad individuals who are idiots and could learn a thing or two about life in general. You love their idiocy. You love how they hurt, you and their love interest. You love the way love hurts and you love the way it makes you smile and think that not all is bad in the world and that maybe you are here for some reason and maybe there is such a thing as love. The obstacles, the heat, the rush. Everything. Maddeningly addictive. Maddeningly wonderful. Maddeningly irresistible. 
And once every blue moon, you will find someone that will make you feel that kind of love you want so bad. It will hurt sometimes but others it will be  s o  f u c k i n g  wonderful it will rival every writer who has written a romantic plot worth sighing for. He will say the right things to you. You wont read them. He will say them at the right moment and it will feel like it's all planned out. Like he got a copy of all those books in your favourite bookshelf and outlined the romantic route he needed to take to invade your heart. He will fit into that type you've become wired to love. And will knock down your numer 1 from your top ten of Fiction Boys I Love because he will be better and the best of all, he wil be real. He will be there, starring at your speechless idiotic face. Not knowing, of maybe knowing, just how much of an imbecile he is making you feel by taking away your ability to speak. Which, as a woman, is a given. Should be a given. 
Fuck it, Fuck it if you happen to know more than one language because no words will suffice to express what you feel. How perfectly imperfect the entire thing is that it just blows your mind. Because up until that moment, that kind of love, was the stuff you read on books. Not the kind of stuff that looked back at you with a sly smile pretending they don't know all of this. You'll find that you've become this woman who is scared and kind of an idiot at times but maybe worth waiting for. That idiot protagonist who makes you yell in frustration, because really, how blind can one actually be? I mean, it is clear that this guy, this totally hot sweetness of a guy cares for her and she is just too fucking stupid to see it. You become that idiot. You become that stupidly blind person who keeps on running into obstacles and fighting them because you tell yourself you are addicted to the likes of him but in reality... maybe... you're just in love. And he managed to do that by being that which you craved for so long. Maybe knowingly or maybe unaware of it all. But he did it. He made you smile with witty comments and made you feel things inside your stomach and made you ache for him in a way you had only read about before. He said things that you had wished to hear and managed to do things that just blew you the hell away and you are just standing there, like an idiot. Unable to take it in. To smile and thank Heaven and the Pagan Gods that they granted your wish and that at least, for the time being, you have it.
The maddening, the complicated and the beautiful, yours for the taking. And you should be grateful and you should smile a fucking lot because wishes are not just granted for the hell of it. Blue fairies aren't just waiting around for a wish to grant it. There are a lot of people wishing all the fucking time and there aren't enough falling stars or fairies to grant them all and yet... there you stand. With the one thing that made you sigh over and over no matter the times you read it. Only this time it's not in a page. It's not a fantasy, it's real, like avocados. 

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