On a story...

"You surprise me. You are too damn amazing sometimes and others I just want to kick your ass for being so... stupid. Do you know that? Do you know that I am scared of how you are much more awesome than you are stupid? That the idea that you might not be that stupid terrifies me?Because I have no reasons to be evil to you? Which, makes me act out and be a bitch because I want you to be a jerk because it's scary just how nice you are... 

Do you know why I don't talk to you about serious stuff? Do you have any idea why I tell myself I can't trust you completely? Because you are too good. Too awesome and too perfect. And too nice to be with a girl like me. Stupid? Yeah. Tell me about it. 

Did you know why it terrifies me to let you in? Because I am afraid that all this, all the nice and the perfect and the awesome is an elaborate trick.

Because it would be so easy... so fucking easy to fall for you. To be so in love with you. To just... love you. It would be so easy! Too damn easy! Because you are amazing! And there is nothing not to love. Nothing not to want. 

It would take nothing for me to love you. Nothing. It's taken nothing to get you this far. I resisted, I built up walls, and you just teared them down like they were made of paper. I have to remind myself constantly of this. Of how easy it would be. Of how I could let you be on my side of the wall. Of how I could be in love. Of how I could be vulnerable... "

"That's it, isn't it? That's what scares you? Being vulnerable."

"Wouldn't it scare you?" 

"It doesn't."

On breaking that one golden rule

I used to have this rule... this rule that involved me never supporting a soccer team in my home country. Because, I hate soccer, I honestly think it is a stupid and boring sport. And, if I am going to be honest, I used to think that people who liked soccer and supported a team were kinda trashy. That being said. I had a lot of reason why not to support a soccer team. In my mind, supporting a team would come after I came up with a cure for cancer. It was just something was never meant to happen (not that a cure for cancer can't be achieved but should if be achieved I would be nowhere involved). 

I spent a total of 4 years with a guy who was a soccer fan. A thing that I found annoying. And through the course of our relationship I never once said or did anything to support his team. Why should I? It was his team. Not mine. Plus I was not trashy enough to give my support or even my attention to a soccer team... it was one of the things I seriously did not like about him and that I tried with all my might to disappear. I mean, real men like american football, don't they? 

Eventually, of course, we broke up.

 And eventually I hooked up with this new guy. This guy who was even more of a soccer fan than my ex. The type of person that talks as if he is part of the team saying things like: "We've been playing awesome lately." or "We are gonna win the next match." and even "We lost." 
He screams at the TV in frustration and in joy. He stands up every once in a while. And gets really upset when they lose. You know, a big kind of fan. 
It's crazy how I find all this described above as absolutely endearing.  So endearing, in fact, that I broke my one rule. Broke it, destroyed it, even when my brain was going all "Dude, we don't do shit like this remember?" I wore a team shirt. Not because I suddenly became a soccer fan... but because... I kinda wanted to show him that, though I think this peculiar sport is stupid, I like you enough to be supportive of your fandom.  Though I find it boring and could easily master sleep as I watch the match, I will watch it with you and pretend to be interested because you are. And, though I could not care less if your team wins or loses, I care that you care what happens. 

The team lost. Which was kind of sad because it was the final match of some cup and this team has been 2nd best for a lot of years and stuff.  Lost, yet, another championship. 
Now my guy is wearing the shirt of the team that won at work because he made a bet and I have a picture in my phone with both of us at the beginning of the match wearing matching  team shirts. 
Which, is a first for me. First time wearing matching team shirts with a guy. With any person really. Everyone at my house supports different football teams... so more often than not are wearing different shirts and fighting with each other. Which is what families are supposed to do, right? 

I guess it all comes down to the fact that, sometimes, with the right person beside you, you'll be willing to do all kinds of shit. Even break your golden rules. 

On that kind of love...

Love is a very complicated kind of beautiful thing. And in books, it's complicated and erratic and a maddening ordeal. And when you don't have this; you crave it. You crave it like crazy. Thus you read about it. Books and books about this kind of love that makes your entire body quiver and hurt and desire... 

You fall in love with characters who are so imperfect they become perfect.  Their very nature, the way they talk, how they move around your thoughts, the way they are is P E R F E C T. Though you know, they are sad individuals who are idiots and could learn a thing or two about life in general. You love their idiocy. You love how they hurt, you and their love interest. You love the way love hurts and you love the way it makes you smile and think that not all is bad in the world and that maybe you are here for some reason and maybe there is such a thing as love. The obstacles, the heat, the rush. Everything. Maddeningly addictive. Maddeningly wonderful. Maddeningly irresistible. 

And once every blue moon, you will find someone that will make you feel that kind of love you want so bad. It will hurt sometimes but others it will be  s o  f u c k i n g  wonderful it will rival every writer who has written a romantic plot worth sighing for. He will say the right things to you. You wont read them. He will say them at the right moment and it will feel like it's all planned out. Like he got a copy of all those books in your favourite bookshelf and outlined the romantic route he needed to take to invade your heart. He will fit into that type you've become wired to love. And will knock down your numer 1 from your top ten of Fiction Boys I Love because he will be better and the best of all, he wil be real. He will be there, starring at your speechless idiotic face. Not knowing, of maybe knowing, just how much of an imbecile he is making you feel by taking away your ability to speak. Which, as a woman, is a given. Should be a given. 

Fuck it, Fuck it if you happen to know more than one language because no words will suffice to express what you feel. How perfectly imperfect the entire thing is that it just blows your mind. Because up until that moment, that kind of love, was the stuff you read on books. Not the kind of stuff that looked back at you with a sly smile pretending they don't know all of this. You'll find that you've become this woman who is scared and kind of an idiot at times but maybe worth waiting for. That idiot protagonist who makes you yell in frustration, because really, how blind can one actually be? I mean, it is clear that this guy, this totally hot sweetness of a guy cares for her and she is just too fucking stupid to see it. You become that idiot. You become that stupidly blind person who keeps on running into obstacles and fighting them because you tell yourself you are addicted to the likes of him but in reality... maybe... you're just in love. And he managed to do that by being that which you craved for so long. Maybe knowingly or maybe unaware of it all. But he did it. He made you smile with witty comments and made you feel things inside your stomach and made you ache for him in a way you had only read about before. He said things that you had wished to hear and managed to do things that just blew you the hell away and you are just standing there, like an idiot. Unable to take it in. To smile and thank Heaven and the Pagan Gods that they granted your wish and that at least, for the time being, you have it.

The maddening, the complicated and the beautiful, yours for the taking. And you should be grateful and you should smile a fucking lot because wishes are not just granted for the hell of it. Blue fairies aren't just waiting around for a wish to grant it. There are a lot of people wishing all the fucking time and there aren't enough falling stars or fairies to grant them all and yet... there you stand. With the one thing that made you sigh over and over no matter the times you read it. Only this time it's not in a page. It's not a fantasy, it's real, like avocados. 

On 2013

2013 has been a hell of a year thus far and I am so happy it is just getting started. Today though I am sick and have just eaten a sad sad yoghurt jello. See, I decided to take a little more action in my university life and joined the alumni association. I am Projects Coordinator in my career. Yesterday we had a little party thing in campus called Dia Anahuac, which is this thing were bands play and there's food and games and a lot of people show up. Last year I showed up. To take a look at the campus, ask about the career and ended up staying for the concert at night. Well, a couple of months passed and this week I found out that the people in charge of the event and those who charged me my $50 mxn were those of the alumni association. Now standing on the entries to campus must be a tiring thing to do. Specially with the heat. But hey! we were told free food. And you have to be a fool to turn down free food. 

Turns out I should've been a fool. 

Woke up at 3 am today with his god awful pain in my stomach. Low blood pressure and... bowel movements. 

AWFUL

So why is being sick today worth writing about if I haven't done any posts in a while? Because today as sick as I may be is also a happy day. Today around 9 something my new baby niece was born :D so excited about this baby that we have anxiously waited for. 

Haven't seen her yet. Do to the fact that I have to be at waking distance to a bathroom otherwise I might die. But rumour has it that she is pretty (as me, so let's just say, if this rumour happens to be true, she is freaking gorgeous) a little bit fat and has curly hair :) Hopefully later today I'll see a photo up in facebook and see for myself. 

Her name is Ana Pau and she has the most awesome mom and the greatest dad ever. I can't wait to be called best auntie :) 

School has been tougher than expected. I joined the Alumni Association as I mentioned earlier and also joined CULMEN the leadership program in arts & culture. Yay me. My friends in university are still pretty damn crazy and I kind of love them for that. 

I've been checking out some publishing agencies I didn't know about and have been thinking about submitting something soon. The only problem is I haven't had loads of time to rewrite TLS or the this new idea called Emma Knight. Which are all part of one big fantasy universe. And I really think I should at least finish the part one for both of this stories before even attempting to submit anything. 

I've baked some cupcakes, which were nice. And made a salmon appetizer for french class (recipe had to be said in french and everything) recipe that I will be sharing in this post. Although not in french ;) 

I am also tremendously happy in the love front. I sometimes snap and go crazy because it is still a little bit scary feeling such huge things for someone. But I am doing my best to work them out because this guy... he really is something. Not only our chemistry together is just overwhelming at times (if you know what I mean) but he is like really sweet and caring and haha makes me feel words aren't good enough to describe him... that's how I know he is something else. My friends, however, one went crazy and decided to spend this semester abroad. She is in France eating crepes all the time. Lucky her... she probably doesn't get sick. 

And we haven't exactly hanged a lot lately. School, work and life have gotten in the way of us being crazy and young together. And I miss them. Loads. 

We are planning a trip though. This March to Cocoyoc and it would be amazing if all of them got to go. Because we really have neglected each other this last couple of months. And I have a feeling it's going to be a little legendary. 

French Class Appetizer 

Slice 2 cucumbers in thin-ish slice. About 1 cm thick. Spread some cream cheese on top of them and place a little piece of smoked salmon on top. Drizzle some olive oil, lil bit of salt, lime juice and chopped chives over them and voila!